Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
