Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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