You can't special order awesome
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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