Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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