dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I currently don't understand fingers.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
