Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
