I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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