i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
