On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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