I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
