we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize