please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
