When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
