names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
