she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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