HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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