after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
