I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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