Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
