the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
