turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
