Me. At least after what I've been through.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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