Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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