Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
