Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
