Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
