Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
