you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
