My brain says no but my pants say off.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
