Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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