the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
