i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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