We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
