i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize