Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
