We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
