bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize