apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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