so explain again why im purple
no
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Randomize
