so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
