I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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