Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize