There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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