last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
