i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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