and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bring me that man meat
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
