How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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