Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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