I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
