Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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