Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize