Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
