Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
