it's like iHOP with fire
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
FUCK WHALES
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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