We're like a lot better than the average bears
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
