You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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