I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
