It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
