this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
