Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
