God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
