just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
