i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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