i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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