i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
