dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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