I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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