shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
