I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
