AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
