If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this boner is exhausting
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
