Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
