Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
