I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
