Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
