I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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