So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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