I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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