so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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