Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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