Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.

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(512): View more from Texas

We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.

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(347): View more from New York

it's been a while because I don't count the hooker

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."

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(347): View more from New York

So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok

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(515): View more from Iowa

No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed

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(757): View more from Virginia

It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes

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