Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
