I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
