Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
