Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
