just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
