and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
