I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
