I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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