Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well you can't waste a boner
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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